It’s summer. It’s Missouri. That means unbearable heat and humidity. Usually. However, since Monday it’s been beautiful. Un-seasonable cool (at 85°) or so, and little to no humidity. The air conditioner has gotten a much needed break – a break for my pocket book too – it’s lovely. It’s going to get warm again. When? Just in time for me to go and sit outside tomorrow to see Rent. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy and excited about going to see it. . . I just wish that the weather wouldn’t be quite so hot .. I guess I’m lucky though, it could be as hot has it had been. Thankfully that’s not happening.
I’m also struck with a little Mommy guilt. Clay is obviously not going tomorrow night to the play. He’s staying with Grandma and Grandpa. Great for him, right? However, since I drop him off there in the mornings around 7am, I’m just going to let him sleep there tomorrow night. I feel guilty. Feel like I should be spending that time with him and not going to the play – feel like I’m gypping him by “making” him sleep there and wake up there and then spend all day tomorrow with my Mom. Part of these feelings are because certain people are trying to make me feel bad by what I’m doing. The same people who told me that my custody should be revoked because Clayton said he wanted to stay at Daddy’s house and play yesterday afternoon instead of coming home – which I understand. When he’s in the middle of playing, he frequently doesn’t want to do anything, or go anywhere, including Daddy’s house. But immediately upon my arriving to pick him up, and ran and jumped into my arms. So I really don’t’ think it’s that he doesn’t want to be/live with Mommy and would rather be with Daddy … but just caught up in the moment. Of course that is what I would like to believe. Whether or not that’s true, is another story. I do know, however, that custody would not immediately be yanked from me in favor of him simply because a 3-year old said he wanted to stay and play, and anyone who thinks otherwise is nuts. Of course nuts is also the person who thinks that when C goes to bed at 8 or 8:30, that I must stay upstairs with him .. well not with him, but I must stay upstairs and not go downstairs and do anything, because what if Clayton woke up and was disoriented and fell down the stairs. Then he’d have reason to have custody yanked … or so I keep being told. That he’s just waiting for something like that to happen … never mind that people with children put them to bed and then go in various other rooms, and floors of their houses with no problems. I’m just the bad Mom who doesn’t think of C – only of myself and I’m just selfish and not fit to be a mother. Yeah, that’s it.
Sorry this got long and off subject of the original intended topic. If you’ve read this all … I applaud you.
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