You do what you do and you pay for your sins and there's no such thing as what might have been.

The weekend of my first date with my ex-husband, I was supposed to go out of town to visit a friend. A guy friend. A guy whom I liked. A lot. A guy that liked me. A lot. A guy with whom I'd never had an "offical" relationship with, but we did share many intimate moments over the years. A guy with whom I spent what was one of the best (if not the best) weekends of my life. But because I was working two jobs at the time, and because I'd gotten scheduled to work at job #2 despite having asked for it off, I was unable to make the trip, and I ended up going out with my ex-husband. I wonder if I had gone on that trip, what would have happened? I know i'd never have gone out with my ex, and potentially great things would have happened with the other guy -- that would have been the turning point in our relationship (and how ironic is it that they both have the same name?), the one thing I do know for sure is that if I 'd gone, I wouldn't have my amazingly awesome son ... this is why it's never a good thing to play what if's ...

eta -- i decided this morning to write "the other guy" an e-mail ... i figured what the heck. you know, just a how are you, what have you been up to kind of thing ... and lo and behold, I received the following back from him ... "It is great to hear from you. I was just thinking about you the other day" general what's been up stuff " Anyway, great to hear from you. And I hope to talk to you again soon" interesting!