ramblings

I wanted to post something enlightening and poignant today. But I doesn’t seem that my life leads itself to such things. Actually my life is pretty boring. I go to a job I hate more days than I like, but that pays the bills – barely somedays. I guess it’s the job itself I hate, and not really my co-workers. My co-workers for the most part are cool … the company is a good company, and we really are like a big family and people actually care about you and your families, and people want to see your kids (speaking of which Clayton came to visit me at work yesterday .. made my afternoon!). My department (minus my boss who I’ve taken a disliking to for the past 2 years or so, ever since she had open heart surgery) is pretty cool (well I also HATE our web guy, but that’s just because he’s cocky and gets away with a lot of stuff up to and including taking 2-3 hour lunches, and coming in 20-40 minutes late every day, and yet not putting that down on his time card … but other than those 2 people my department is cool .. there are a total of 8 of us (I know this off the top of my head because when I went to Disney World in June I came back to a giant snow white with my face on it, and the seven dwarves surrounded me, each with the name of a departmental co-worker – it’s actually quite funny) – that’s one of the cool things about being in this department. We “do” things to people when they go on vacation .. we’ve covered an entire office window (inside facing the hallway) and desk and chairs with sticky notes, we’ve gift wrapped every single item in someone’s office (The best one by far and I have picture and would be happy to post them if you want to see them leave a comment and I’ll post them) … also giant cardboard look-alike’s of someone in their office – we’re good. So that part is good, but it just seems lately that my boss hates me and is trying to get me to quit so she doesn’t have to fire me. That’s really all I’m going to say about that since I am at work and hate posting that kind of thing from work …
So I go to work, I go home and Clayton and I may go to the library or to the park. We’ll play outside and write with chalk on the sidewalk (one of his favorite activities) – and we go to church on Sundays and I play in the church bell choir which practices on Monday nights –the first and second Wednesday night of every moth is taken by events at the library for Clayton (story hour and then one where they play on a mini trampoline, and play with the parachute). But really I don’t “do” anything, and I just feel like I have no friends anymore. Everyone has moved or gotten involved in other things, and I’m not quite sure how to make new friends. But it’s not even that that I’m complaining about .. hell, I’m just babbling and rambling and I don’t even know what about anymore. I do feel like every move I make regarding Clayton’s well being is second guessed by his father. If I want my brother to watch him, I get told it’s not a good idea. That I’m putting my sons life in jeopardy by having my brother (19) in charge and that he doesn’t have a proven driving record and that I’m really doing stupid things by having Stephen watch him, and this and that and the other .. I mean come on. OK buddy. Take me to court over this. Tell them you think that I’m putting my son in harms way by having my brother watch him. Never mind that 13 and 14 year olds are babysitting children a lot younger than Clayton that aren’t related to them (but then again he says that my parents and brothers are not Clayton’s “real” family anyhow). He’s crazy. HE really is. He hates the fact that he can’t control every aspect of Clayton’s life .. of course he tells me that I’m the controlling one and that I should be giving Clayton the choice of whether or not he wants to be going to dinners at church or doing these things that I sometimes do to help out at the church … Yes, I think it’s a good idea to give a two-year old the choice of what he wants to do .. but of course I’m also going to make the same two year old go out and get a job next week. Gotta get him started early if I’m going to have him support me in my old age!! I mean seriously, give him the choice? He shouldn’t be subjected to these things? Do you remember at 2 having much of a choice in what you did? Then of course I was a bad person yesterday for not getting to spend enough time with Clayton because I had to make dinner and that took time away … see that’s my problem. I have so much animosity toward Rob. I really need to just detach. I mean we’re not married anymore. Yes, we do things as a family sometimes, but that doesn’t give anyone free rein over me at all. Nor does it give him rein over Clayton. We do have joint-LEGAL custody, but that doesn’t mean he has to agree with every little single thing I do with Clayton while he’s in my custody (I have sole physical custody) … wow, this is a really rambling post and for that I apologize, and if you’ve even bothered reading the whole thing, I thank you. I may post again before the end of the day, but if not I hope everyone has a great weekend! Hopefully you’re getting some of the nice fall weather that we have! Enjoy!