If we weren't all crazy we would go insane.

And I swear that I am going crazy. Or that I’m insane. One of the two. I’m so stressed out I think I’m going to cause myself to have a heart attack. I want to stop. And sit back. And enjoy this time of year. To see the Christmas season (however early we’re starting it) through Clayton’s eyes. To get excited over the lights. Over the toy commercials. Over the Christmas music. I want to relax. I want to bake cookies with Clayton. I want to give him good memories of Christmas traditions with Mommy. In order to do this, however, I need to let go of some of the things that are stressing me out. The toxic relationships. The money woes. They aren’t going anywhere. There is nothing I can do about them. I need to let go and realize that eventually it will all be OK. It has to be. And I’ve got to do it for Clayton’s sake. I don’t want him to have memories of Mommy being edgy and no fun. I want him to grow up not knowing of our severe financial woes. He doesn’t need to know about them. He’s a kid. He needs to enjoy being a kid. He needs his Mommy to play with him, and bake cookies, and spend time being silly. And I usually am really good about not letting what’s going on in my life affect him … right now I’m just finding it really hard. I’m finding a hard time finding balance in my life. And more than anything else right now, that’s what I need.