The grey ceiling on the earth, well it's lasted for awhile

Happy Spring everyone! a few weeks late. Yes, i realize it's been about 4 months since my last blog post. i doubt anyone is even reading this anymore. But you never know. It's also been about a month since M very unceremoniously dumped me - via e-mail - for no real reason. The day before the one year anniversary of our first date. We'd had a rocky few months -- starting with not talking or seeing each other at all the entire month of December, but resuming things in January and things were going well -- and then I jumped. And things were going well again. And then they weren't. and then they were ... OK. And then all of the sudden, totally out of the blue. He dumped me. I wasn't OK. But I am now.

Spring is officially here, and maybe the weather is finally going to stay warm ... although it looks like a few rainy days this weekend -- that whole April showers thing, I guess. Of course rain Saturday morning will interfere with t-ball practice, and rain the rest of the day Saturday interferes with my plans to deal with my flower beds. But hopefully soon, I'll have some lovely flower beds chock full of pansies.

I'm sure I have a lot more to say, but can't think of any of it right now ....

How on earth did I get so jaded, life’s mystery seems so faded

First things first … this guy is 5 today. I don’t know how that’s possible, but he i! I haven’t gotten to see him today since he’s with his dad … but I can’t wait to see him tonight for lots of birthday love!













I had a blind date last night. Nice guy. We met for ice cream, got our ice cream and went outside to eat it – it was a gorgeous evening – four hours later we were still sitting on the same bench talking. That’s got to be a good sign, right? And yet I don’t know that he’ll ask me out again. If he does, I’ll go. But I’m not expecting greatness.

I heard some famous people had an anniversary, five long years together, it was Hollywood history.

I’m such a freak. For instance, I know that today is the two-month anniversary of the day that I went out with the boy for the first time. I told him that this morning. We were on the same wavelength this morning – so totally the same wave length. We e-mail each other every morning – one of us is usually first, depends on the day whether it’s me or him, but today, we both sent a message at the exact time. Bizarre. He told me that’s ‘cause we were connected – and I told him the two month thing, and he didn’t think I was a freak for knowing that – so that was a good thing. He also told me he thought about me all weekend … which he’s never done before. Or at least never told me he’s done before. The thing is that I know that this relationship has no possibility of being long-term, but I like him oh so much. Like seriously a whole lot. He makes me thing, and challenges me, and makes me happy, and makes me laugh, and he’s sexy as hell …. And I just like him. I remember telling all you out there in blogland that I liked him a lot two months ago … well I still do. More and more every day, which is kind of a bad thing due to the fact that I know there’s not a possibility of it lasting long-term … but in the meantime, I like him. And I’m hoping that he’ll be able to join me in Vegas in February.

All I got to be is be happy

I think i really had forgotten what it was like to be happy. i'm so totally happy. the serious alone time last night didn't hurt, but i like being with him. i like doing things with him ... privately or out in public. he's a great guy. I don't have any fantasies about us being together forever. because it's not going to happen. we're totalyl at different places in our lives. But for now, he makes me happy. He makes me smile. I like him. A lot.

Of course, there is my lovely ex-husband who called me a tramp because i am dating. He dosen't even know any of the intimate details -- and he's calling me a tramp. telling me he's just using me. telling me the only reason a guy would come to my house is for sex. I continue to wish horrible things upon him every day of my life. does that make me a horrible person? Probably. But i do. Bad, horrible ,dreadful things. Bad things happening to him would make my life a lot easier ... things would suck for C as he'd be minus a dad, but at the same time, he's kind of a pathetic excuse for a dad ... doesn't mean C doesn't love him. . . but he's really not a good role model at all.

But that's yuckky stuff to talk about ... I'd much prefer to think about the fun, and happy stuff!

Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches

Here is where I was ... for a mere hour or so Friday afternooon. After probably 30 hours of meetings. then i came home to the cold. no snow as predicted, but cold none-the-less.

I suck at updating, but things are good. work is crazy busy. that's all I have to say about that. Still having fun with the guy. We're going out tonight ... or staying in as the case may be!

And, it's Wednesday. Things are indeed great!

We were perfect when we started, I've been wondering where we've gone.

in a word, last night was perfect. in more than one word? it was amazing, and great, and super and awesome ... i coudl go on, but i won't. i kept telling him how nervous i was about the whole thing, and he kept telling me that i shouldn't be, and i told him i knew i shouldn't be, but I was. and then. 20 minutes before our "date" time. I had an unbelievable sense of calm come over me, and i was nervous no longer. and I stated not nervous for the rest of the evening -- becuase really, i feel totally calm and peaceful when I'm with him. the anticipation was awful. and yesterday dragged on forever -- which is actually an observation he made -- but it was great. and I'm happy. and again, i have no idea where this is going, but i like him. i'm happy being with him. i'm happy thinking about him. i'm just happy. and happy is good.

Every new begining comes from some other beginings end

Well, the begining was two weeks ago. or if you count when we started "talking" (or e-mailing as the case may be), the begining was 19 days ago. and now, tonight, we go for date number 3. The first two have been great. amazing. perfect. i suspect tonight will be the same. tonight is the first "private" date. Previously we've met out ... and had great times. Eating. Browsing the bookstore. Playing trivia. Tonight is movie night. I'm nervous. Happy. But nervous. A good nervous. Even if things do not work out between us, i don't think I could have asked for a better first post-divorce relationship. Do we even have a relationship? I'm going out of town next week, and he told me he'd miss me .... i don't know. right now, i'm just enjoying the begining. that's one of the best parts of a relationship anyhow. where everything is new and exciting, and you're excited to see and/or talk to the other person ... but for now, I'm really, really looking forward to tonight.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there is just too little of.

I swear i'm a 13 year old school girl and not a 34 year old divorced mom of a 4-year old. I'm totally smitten with this guy. I like him. What kind of like? The kind of like where you get butterflies in your stomach when you think about them. It doesn't help that he continues to be sweet, and say sweet things ... I told him that the best part about my week was this awesome date I went on, and he said that he went on an awesome date too .. so I told him to tell me about it ... and he did. Our date, in his words.

I met this incredible girl at ZR, we went to Tom-fooleries and got to know each other. We took a walk and ended up at Barnes and Noble where we perused the books and made witty comments about anything that caught our eye. I then walked her to her car where we said good night and enjoyed an awesome kiss. Then I floated to my car and drove home!

Tell me that's not sweet. And if i re-read that, as i have probably a million times since this morning, it just makes me giggly and smiley.

The day started with a perfect kiss, on the way home

Well today didn't start with a kiss, but last night ended with one ... and last night was just amazing. it was the epitome of a perfect date. Even without the kiss at the end of the night it would have been perfect. i was only nervous for about the first five minues -- and the last five when he was walking me to my car. I have a big goofy grin on my face I can't wipe off, and right now I'm not over analyzing anything. I'm just enjoying the fact that last night was awesome, and hoping that we can see each other again.

When she was three, her Barbies always did it on the first date

So, i've been talking about it for days now, but tonight is the big night. The first date. I'm not nearly as nervous as I have been all week. I'm much more excited than I am nervous right now. Of course by the time it's actualyl time for the date I'll probably be a nervous wreck. But he's been very sweet ... including sending me the following e-mail, which was waiting for me when I got to work ....

Good Morning! Hope your day started out good! Guess what? Date Night!!!

all together now .... awwwww.

we're going to an outdoor shopping area. it's going to be chilly, but we'll walk around. maybe go into some stores. probably have some hot chocoalte. it'll be good. i hope. i just hope he likes me.

Let me warm that cold cup of hot chocolate, girl

OK. It is indeed official. I'm going out tomorrow night. For either hot chocolate or ice cream. Nice extremes huh? It's only going to be like in the low 40's tomorrow night, so hot chocolate might be the better of the two options. I'm extremely nervous. Seriously nervous. Should I be? I don't know. But I am. I'm not expecting greatness out of this. I don't know what I am expecting, but I am a bundle of nerves, and probably will be up until show time! Yikes.

Don't you kiss him on your very first date. No girl, don't you kiss him till you make him wait.

I may have a date next week. Yikes! I haven't been on a date in seven years . . . so i'm nervous at even the thought!